Undoing Negative Self-Talk

A teaspoon of salt would make a glass of water difficult to drink, but the same teaspoonful dropped in a freshwater lake would make no difference to the taste. In the same way, space created around intense experiences can create a felt sense of diluting their intensity.

- Mark Williams, Psychologist

Oftentimes, when we mentally rehash the same scenes, the same lines, over and over again, the kernel of experience that originally produced the negative internal dialogue gets distorted into something bigger and more crushing than it was in its original context. In order to get our negative experiences to go back down to size, we have to look at them very carefully, to ask what is actually happening, or has actually happened. The perceived threat must be seen for what it is, and not through the prism of emotional distortion.

This is not to say that we should become automatons, devoid on any feeling: Rather, we must see clearly and feel deeply, in line with the truth of the hurtful moment. Negative experience will not release its hold on the psyche until it has been noticed and felt. Once recognized in its exactness and specificity, the negative experience will become forgettable.

For the next few minutes, look at one of your common phrases of self-talk. It might be “No one cares about me”, or “[So-and-so] takes advantage of me”, or “Nothing I do makes any difference”. Then look at the conditions that give rise to the negative talk. They could be as simple as someone cutting you off in traffic or a bill that is larger than you expected. As soon as you notice the disconnect between the occasion and the reaction, you will be on your way to freedom from a negative state of mind.

This post in an excerpt from the book A Mindful Morning by David Dillard-Wright, PhD.